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I have recently been very troubled by my church’s stance on spanking. I attended a parenting class in the past year at my church which overall was helpful Bible centered, and focused first on parents individual walk and growth, second on marriage, finally on parenting. Unfortunately in the segment regarding discipline, they really honed in on corporal punishment as God’s specially designed tool of correction specifically for toddlers and young children. It’s not that I was surprised by the stance, I know there are Christians who hold that view. What I was troubled by was the assertion that this is the only view for the Christian parent and implication that everything else is a new age and science-above-God view. Which historically is not true! Christian viewpoints range from spanking is the best tool of godly discipline; to spanking is an available but not always the best tool in every circumstance and should be used sparingly; to spanking is damaging to a trust based relationship in which parental authority should imitate the grace of the gospel. I’m familiar with all these views held by different faithful Christians. Yet this class purported their view on spanking as not only the best but the only view. My husband and I attempted to respectfully contact the course teacher about this when we had read ahead in the course material and he asked us to save our questions for that session. Then in the session brushed off our well researched questions and instead made it about other tools that “don’t work” and made us feel like we needed to stop dissenting in any way. What makes all this even more troubling is that in other cases our church is very cautious to outline multiple viewpoints on divisive topics such as the end times or spiritual gifts etc. They go out of their way to show how different views have come out of the same text, before stating which view the staff agree to teach from. So I have been left feeling like the teaching approach on spanking was disingenuous and dogmatic. On a personal level, ever since then I have felt like I’m just waiting for my kids to be singled out as the bad kids with the non-spanking parents simply because we tried to point out that there’s more than one way to interpret their proof-texts. Is it worth readdressing with the elder who taught the class or the pastor over the family ministries? Edit: To clarify, my concern is more about the dogmatic approach to teaching this topic in particular by a church which I have known so far to be usually concerned with accurate depiction of different viewpoints on potentially divisive theological topics. I’m not interested in arguing about spanking or not spanking. As I said, I am already familiar with the existing viewpoints on spanking and how it’s possible that these seemingly opposing views are able to be derived from the same texts.
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My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:(Proverbs 6 : 20~23)
He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding. The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility.(Proverbs 15 : 32~33)
Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: keep her; for she is thy life.(Proverbs 4 : 13)
Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish...(Proverbs 12 : 1~3)
My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction:(Proverbs 3 : 11)
A true Christian rebuke centered on the Word of God does not cause wrath or anger. However, most parents who follow the ways of the world and the flesh tend to rebuke their children emotionally rather than prayerfully — and this is the main problem. A parent’s impulsive rebuke driven by anger and emotion can deeply wound the child. Therefore, rebuke must come with warning and patience. It is necessary to give good words and admonitions at least three times. Yet, if after the third admonition the child still does not listen, then punishment should follow.
If the child behaves well, parents should reward them with something the child desires; if not, parents should withhold what the child wants. Through such clear rules of reward and punishment, children learn moral boundaries. Moreover, after every rebuke or discipline, prayer for the child is absolutely necessary. Nervous or harsh actions, or treating the child roughly, will only bring about the opposite effect — leaving emotional scars instead of correction.
The LORD’s voice crieth unto the city, and the man of wisdom shall see thy name: hear ye the rod, and who hath appointed it.(Micah 6 : 9)
Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge. Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.(Proverbs 23 : 12~14)
Even when a child does not listen after being disciplined, three more chances should be given; but if the child still refuses to listen, then after a clear warning that punishment will follow, the parent may strike them. Yet even before striking, the parent must pray, and after striking, they must again pray for their child. However, most parents act with extreme emotion and irritation — this becomes a great sin (Romans 1:23–32).
Among Christians, there is no beautiful love that governs children through true love. What exists instead are fleeting affections and carnal emotions that fluctuate according to mood, circumstance, and feeling. The beautiful love of God has not been poured into them; therefore, the power of God’s love does not work in them to produce patience and self-control. As a result, their rebuke sways with each day’s emotions and changing moods.
Rebukes and admonitions given by those who follow the world and the flesh — the very source of sin — can never be biblical. Only within the rebuke of one who possesses the Spirit of God (the Holy Spirit), who acts not out of worldly emotion, mood, standard, or self-assertion but according to the righteous law of love — the divine justice, equity, faithfulness, and righteousness of God — does the saying hold true that “even if beat with the rod, one will not die.” This does not apply to Christians who spend their entire lives repeating sin. The children of God do not commit sin, and the followers of Christ are freed from sin.
But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.(Romans 6 : 17~18)
For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God. For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.(Romans 8 : 19~21)
We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not; but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth him not. And we know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness. And we know that the Son of God is come, and hath given us an understanding, that we may know him that is true, and we are in him that is true, even in his Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God, and eternal life.(1 John 5 : 18~20)
Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him. Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous. He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil. Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother.(1 John 3 : 5~10)
This does not mean that a person who continually repeats sin has the right to beat their child even to the point of death for doing wrong. Those who spend their whole lives repeating sin and lack even a mustard seed of true faith—if they strike their children not out of love, but out of frustration because things do not go their way or following their own swayed emotions—will only leave deep wounds in their children’s hearts.